Life Insurance
Insurance 101
Live Chat
Sign In
Apply Now
Work, Life, Balanced

Got a 9-Year-Old? 9 Conversations You Need to Have Right Now

By Lynn Shattuck Feb 11, 2020

With a 9-year-old in tow, you’re about halfway toward legal adulthood. Scary, right?

The age of diapers, teething and potty training probably feels like the premodern era at this point. Meanwhile, your new hurdles will include impending puberty (yes, already!) and raising a responsible, kind human ready to flex their independence.

As your not-so-little one becomes a preteen, there are a number of important conversations on the horizon. Some are uncomfortable, some are empowering—and all are worthwhile.

Here are nine topics you should face head-on.

1. Confront the P-Word

Most 9-year-olds straddle the line between childhood and early adolescence. And while it may sound impossibly young, some 9-year-olds (especially girls) are beginning to go through puberty.

If you haven’t started talking with your child about the changes their body will go through, now is a great time to begin. Need a little help broaching the subject? Robie Harris’ book It’s So Amazing is a great resource.

2. Discuss Rich, Poor and Everything in Between

By 9, kids are noticing the differences between how people live. Use your child’s observations as an opportunity to discuss money. For instance, if your kid says, “That person drives a brand new Porsche; they’re rich!” you might seize the moment to note that what people buy, live in or drive doesn’t actually tell you how much money they have.

Erica Sandberg, consumer finance expert and author of Expecting Money, says, “Tell your kids that unless you look at someone’s bank statement, they have no idea how much money someone has. All they know is that the person has a new car.”

This is a great time to initiate conversations about financial inequality, as well. Nine-year-olds are often becoming interested in helping others, so consider finding a charitable cause for your family to donate money and/or time to.

3. Have ‘the Talk’ With Your Parents

You and your kids aren’t the only ones getting older. While it may be uncomfortable, it’s important to have a conversation with your own parents about whether they have their estate plan in order, including a last will and testament, health care proxies and a durable power of attorney.

If talking about money isn’t part of your family culture—and let’s face it, for many, it isn’t—Sandberg suggests harnessing your powers of observation. “Look around their home when you’re visiting. Is the refrigerator empty? Do things need repair?”

If your parents are struggling financially, talk to your spouse and decide whether you have room in your budget to help out. We also like these six tips for stretching your dollar when you're feeling "sandwiched."

If you’re worried about your parents’ mental capacities slipping now or in the future, you might ask them to sign a HIPAA release and give you access to their financial accounts so you can check in (with their permission) with their doctors, lawyers and accountants.

“In the event that something were to happen to them, you want to be able to step in pretty seamlessly,” says James Kelly, a wealth strategist with PNC Wealth Management.

4. Explore Your Kid’s (and Your) Boundaries

Your child might feel ready to roam the neighborhood more freely by themselves, says Keri Ann Wilmot, a pediatric occupational therapist. You might also start to feel comfortable leaving them home while you take the dog for a walk or make a quick grocery run.

Of course, some 9-year-olds are decidedly unprepared for this level of responsibility. So, go with your gut when it comes to making decisions about giving away more freedom—not with what your kid’s peers are doing.

If you think your child is ready to be home alone, start small. And, of course, check your state’s laws first, as some states such as Oregon and Maryland require children to be at least 10 and 14, respectively, before being left alone.

5. Be Smart About Smartphones

Speaking of navigating parental peer pressure, your 9-year-old may be pestering you for a smartphone or other device. “Everyone else has a phone!” might already be a common refrain in your house.

Deciding when you’re comfortable with your child having a smartphone or other tech devices is a very personal—not to mention controversial—choice. If you’re inclined to keep your kid phone-free for a while longer, check out the Wait Until 8th movement for some extra confidence and practical tips.

Peer pressure can be tough, but confront this by speaking openly to your child about your decision, so they understand that you’re doing this for their own good and not simply to be mean (even she doesn’t agree).

6. Think Through Your ‘What-Ifs’

If you were no longer around, would your family be all right? One way many people choose to help protect their loved ones is with life insurance. Term life insurance, in particular, is designed to provide a financial buffer for your family if you were to pass away during a certain time period, or term.

Ideally, your child is only ten (or maybe twenty) years away from financial independence, plus you might have younger children to think about. When choosing a term for your life insurance policy, think about how long it’d take for your kids to be out of the house or otherwise taken care of. 

Some people choose whole life insurance to cover their families until they die, but others choose term life insurance because it’s more affordable. Once the term runs out, the plan would be for their family to be financially stable without them. 

You can apply for a term life insurance policy in under 10 minutes with Fabric.

7. Figure Out Who Pays for What

As kids begin to move away from toys, you may notice an increased appetite for expensive items like name-brand clothing or sports equipment. This transitional time is a great opportunity to open a custodial savings account for your child, says Sandberg.

“If they get an allowance, teach them to deposit it into the account, tell them about interest and let it grow,” says Sandberg. She also suggests beginning to teach your 9-year-old about what credit is, how to build credit over time and how a credit score works. “Show them how to use debit cards to take money out of the ATM. Discuss the differences between paying for something right away with cash and paying with credit.”

If your child wants something you’re not comfortable paying for, like a video game or yet another slime-making kit—basically, anything that qualifies as a want rather than a need—you might make them use their own money. Or lend your kid the money and have them can pay you back with a little interest, teaching that borrowing isn’t free. You can always take that “interest” and toss it into their savings account.

Kids can also earn some cash by doing a side gig to help bring out their creativity and entrepreneurial side. Common side hustles for school-aged kids include shoveling snow, mowing lawns, launching a lemonade stand or being a mother’s helper. “Jobs like these help kids understand that money means something, and that they have a skill they can use,” Wilmot says.

8. Be Smart About Teaching Money to Girls

While most parents would claim that they teach both their sons and daughters the same money lessons, research shows that parents tend to spend more time talking to boys about money than girls. That can result in girls growing up without the same financial literacy, or the same confidence, as their male peers.

“By the time they get to college, we can see that the female population is better in math than boys but they’re behind in personal finance,” says Jamie Hopkins, a professor of retirement income planning at the American College of Financial Services. “They’re not learning about personal finance in school, so parents are teaching them differently.”

Don’t know where to start? Here are six key ways to teach your kids about money.

9. Schedule a Regular Money Date

Having regular talks about money with your partner is key to making sure that you’re both on the same page. “A lot of people get caught up in day-to-day responsibilities, and they forget to take a step back to talk about their personal and financial goals,” says Eric Tyson, author of Personal Finance for Dummies.

If you disagree about something or are struggling with specific issues, you might enlist the help of a third party, such as a professional financial planner. Your company may offer free or discounted financial planning as part of its financial wellness benefits. If not, you can find a fee-only planner at

Try to set aside a regular time at least once a month to go over your finances, discuss your future goals and address any differences in your priorities.

Congratulations on making it to the halfway point of parenting, or at least the most hands-on phase of raising your child.

Life with a 9-year-old brings almost endless opportunities to breach important conversations, of both the inspiring and the cringe-worthy variety. So take a deep breath and start talking. You’ve got this.

Skip ahead: 10 things you should know when you have a 10-year-old. Or find what you need to know about your child at every age.

Fabric exists to help young families master their money. Our articles abide by strict editorial standards.

This material is designed to provide general information on the subjects covered. It is not, however, intended to provide specific financial advice or to serve as the basis for any decisions. Fabric Insurance Agency, LLC offers a mobile experience for people on-the-go who want a easy and fast way to purchase life insurance.

Subscribe to our newsletter

Written by

Lynn Shattuck

Related Posts

Work, Life, Balanced

How Spending 13 Minutes a Day on Self-Care Changed My Life

I created the Mental Health and Wealth Challenge to engage in self-care that was meaningful, simple, and free — and only takes 13 minutes a day.

By Melanie Lockert
Work, Life, Balanced

Can You Afford to Become a Stay-at-Home Parent? How to Find Out

Working vs. being a stay-at-home parent is a major decision. We’ve created a framework to provide financial clarity about your best options.

By Julie Pierce Onos
Work, Life, Balanced

How to Make Mundane Moments With Your Kids Feel Actually Special

We asked experts for ways to savor even the mundane time with family—whether or not we’re in the middle of a pandemic.

By Sarah Li Cain

Fabric Picks

Life Insurance 101

Is 30-Year Term Life Insurance Right for You?

Term life insurance provides affordable protection for many families, and a 30-year term is often a fit for younger couples and parents of young children.

By Emily Smith
Life Insurance 101

Is Converting Term Life to Whole Life a Smart Financial Move?

Convertible life insurance offers the option to convert from term life to permanent. Here’s who can benefit and who may not need the coverage or cost.

By Jessica Sillers
Life Insurance 101

Life Insurance for Parents: 6 Key Questions You Should Ask

Securing your family’s financial future is an important plan to cover as a parent. Get answers to the questions parents have about life insurance.

By Jessica Sillers

About Fabric




Download Fabric’s iOS mobile app through the Apple App Store
Download Fabric’s android mobile app through the Google Play app store
Subscribe to our newsletter

© 2021 Fabric Insurance Agency, LLC

Accidental Death Insurance policies (Form VL-ADH1 with state variations where applicable) and Term Life Insurance policies (Form ICC16-VLT, ICC19-VLT2, and CMP 0501 with state variations where applicable) are issued by Vantis Life Insurance Company (Vantis Life), Windsor, CT (all states except NY), and by The Penn Insurance and Annuity Company of New York (NY only). Coverage may not be available in all states. Issuance of coverage for Term Life Insurance is subject to underwriting review and approval. Please see a copy of the policy for the full terms, conditions and exclusions. Policy obligations are the sole responsibility of Vantis Life.

All sample pricing is based on a 25-year old F in Excellent health for the coverage amount shown. All samples are for a 10-year term policy, unless otherwise stated. Term Life Insurance policies (Form ICC16-VLT, ICC19-VLT2, and CMP 0501 with state variations where applicable) are issued by Vantis Life Insurance Company (Vantis Life), Windsor, CT. Coverage may not be available in all states. Issuance of coverage for Term Life Insurance is subject to underwriting review and approval. Please see a copy of the policy for the full terms, conditions and exclusions. Policy obligations are the sole responsibility of Vantis Life.

Fabric Insurance Agency, LLC (FIA) is an insurance agency licensed to sell life and accident insurance products. FIA will receive compensation from Vantis Life for such sales. The NAIC Company Code for Vantis Life is 68632. See the Terms of Use for additional information regarding FIA.

A.M. Best uses letter grades ranging from A++, the highest, to F, companies in liquidation. Vantis Life’s A+ (Superior) rating, which was reaffirmed in April 2020, ranks the second highest out of 16 rankings. An insurer’s financial strength rating represents an opinion by the issuing agency regarding the ability of an insurance company to meet its financial obligations to its policyholders and contract holders and not a statement of fact or recommendation to purchase, sell or hold any security, policy or contract. These ratings do not imply approval of our products and do not reflect any indication of their performance. For more information about a particular rating or rating agency, please visit the website of the relevant agency.

Plan like a parent. is a trademark of Fabric Technologies, Inc.