Picking a Guardian for Your Child: The 5 Questions to Ask

When you’re expecting a baby, you don't want to imagine a world for them without you. But you'll be glad you considered who should take care of your child if you weren't around. A key way to account for this possibility? Come up with a guardianship plan in your last will and testament. Your survivors likely won't need to be put your plan into place, but it’s essential to talk it out. Don't just assume that, say, your parents or in-laws would save the day. In this article, we’ll break down what a guardian is and how to choose the right one for your children.

What Is a Guardian?

A legal guardian is the person you wish to raise your child if something happens to you. You can name this person (and a backup) in your last will and testament. Deciding exactly who to choose can be difficult, since your decision could have big ramifications for your children. After you decide, then comes the fun part (“fun” may or may not be sarcastic). It's time to ask the person you’ve chosen. And, in some cases, you might need to tell the people you didn’t choose. Playing the what-would-happen-if game can be grisly. But ask some hypothetical questions to ensure your child will be in the best possible hands if the worst were to occur.

1. What Do I Want My Child's Life to Look Like?

This is also something you can discuss with the legal guardian you eventually appoint. Maybe it’s important to you that the guardian relocate to your state, at least temporarily. You might also want to think about choosing a guardian who will impart the values you care about. You can gather the traditions, morals and lessons you hold dear by creating an ethical will.

2. Who Would Want to Be My Child's Guardian?

A lot of loved ones would probably step up to the plate, if worse came to worst. But talking about the possibility with different trusted people in your life can help you suss out who would thrive on the challenge.

3. What Is My Financial Plan for My Child?

Understand your children's financial future by reading and understanding any life insurance policies you have in place. You'll also probably want to discuss how assets would be distributed to your children and their guardians. A lawyer can walk you through different options, including creating a trust fund or guardianship. Finally, it’s important to realize that a legal guardian doesn’t necessarily need to be the same person as a financial guardian. (Note that they often are the same, however.) Inform all relevant parties about this choice before you write your last will and testament, to make sure they're on board.

4. Does My Guardianship Appointee Still Make Sense?

It’s important to update your guardian appointment as situations change. For example, let’s say you named your child’s grandparents back when your child was a newborn. But flash forward a decade, and your parents may be less active and facing health problems. Meanwhile, other family members may have started families of their own that could be a better fit. It’s all about remaining flexible and adaptable.

5. Who Could Drop Everything and Watch My Child Immediately?

While you name a guardian in your will, consider whether you should also appoint a standby guardian, someone who could immediately take custody if your main guardian isn't immediately available.

How to Pop the Question

There’s really no wrong way to ask someone to serve as a guardian. Most people will be flattered. What bigger compliment could you give someone than entrusting him or her with your child’s future? Here are some steps for having a seamless conversation:

• Make sure the person you designate as legal guardian is up for the job and give them space to think, or even to say “no.”

• Lay out any special wishes. For instance, if you want your kids to be able to stay in the same school district, that means the guardian may need to move from their current home. If that's important to you, make sure the guardian would be willing to accommodate.

• Talk about the values and traditions you hope to impart on your children. One way to categorize your guiding principles is to make an ethical will.

• Talk about money. How will your potential guardian support your child? Do you have an emergency fund? What about saving for college? Let the potential guardian know what you’ve put in place. Knowing you have adequate term life insurance, for instance, can help ease the guardian’s worries about the strain of being suddenly charged with raising a child.

Communicating Nuanced Situations 

If you choose one person as a legal guardian and a different person to be the guardian of your child’s finances, you may feel uncomfortable telling the guardian that you trust them to raise your kids, but that you’ve chosen someone else to manage the money. Likewise, it can be awkward to tell someone you trust them with your money, but not your kids. It can help to explain what an emotional process making this decision has been, and to emphasize the importance of having that person in your child’s life. You can take the same approach when appointing an alternate guardian. Let the backup guardian know how much you want them involved in your child’s life, too.

When You Want Non-Family to Be Your Legal Guardian

While many people prefer for family to raise their kids, it’s not always possible, or even preferable. If you’ve decided to have a friend serve as your child’s legal guardian, you might dread breaking the news to your family. If there’s a clear reason that it wouldn’t make sense for relatives to take over guardianship of your kids, like age or location, you can explain that clearly. And regardless, you’ll want to make sure that you communicate how much you still want them to be part of your children’s lives. You also don’t need to announce your decision to your family, either. This is especially true if you chose a non-relative because you have a difficult relationship with your family.

Keeping It Fresh

After you complete this intense process, it may be tempting to hope your last will and testament collects dust in a filing cabinet. But don’t forget to revisit your decision every few years as life circumstances change. Once you’ve completed this unsavory task, you can add it to the list of things your kids will probably never thank you for. But rest assured they'll be immensely better off because you got it done. At the end of the day, the most important thing is to ensure your child has a safe, loving home.

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